Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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