he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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