I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
