drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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