somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
