the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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