Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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