You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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