Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
