Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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