It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
