She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
