But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
