god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
