This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
