So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize