her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
