I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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