peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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