it's not cheating when I paid for it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
