hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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