hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize