I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize