I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
