I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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