I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I love you.
Bad choice
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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