ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
