you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
