You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
