just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
