I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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