I am puke
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
