I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize