I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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