Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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