So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
