We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
