so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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