4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
