that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize