ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's official drugs can't kill me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize