I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
