You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
