How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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