he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
third nipple confirmed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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