On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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