I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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