Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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