I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
