so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize