In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am available for nakedness
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