As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
