I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
