I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
