They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
