He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
