i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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