its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
