i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
