Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
