You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
