He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's get the cat blown out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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