Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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