so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want to be your penis for a week.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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