Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize