apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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