I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
tell me about the eggs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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