JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
