Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The power of my boobs compel you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
