Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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