Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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