You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
