She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
