So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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