is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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