I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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