no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
