whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
