i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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