I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
