Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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