he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
