I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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