My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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