I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
