remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
