Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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