i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
