I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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