Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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