I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
