The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize